And you often need more and more porn and more extreme porn to give you the same high that you felt when you started using it. Any request that's based on 'do this' rather than 'say this' is usually a winner. And childhood patterns of interrupted care, or neglect from constantly busy parents , can cause boys—and girls—to decide that needing is dangerous. I had been pushing for it for a long time, and my husband had been incredibly resistant. He became better able to articulate his feelings and experiences, and I became better able to hear him without my own insecurities getting in the way. Start with one-on-one conversations, but if you have trouble communicating, or don't see any progress, seek the help of a counselor. If he's avoiding sex because of erection problems, the pressure of not being able to perform when you so desperately want him to could be absolutely disastrous. But know that you are not alone, and know that it is becoming a problem that is increasingly more common. In any given population, some will have extremely high sex drives, and some will have extremely low sex drives. He may be angry with you over some perceived event or experience. According to Wikipedia, a sexless marriage is usually defined as one in which the couple has sex 10 or fewer times per year; a study published in found that 20 percent of married couples fit this definition of sexless marriage. Nothing happens in a vacuum, and by staying engaged rather than retreating and pulling away, you have your best chance to really experience emotional intimacy with your partner. For instance, I know a woman who is walking through this right now. Within a relationship committed to fidelity, sexual acting out can take a variety of forms, including a love affair, a one-night stand, online chatting, sexting, escorts, etc. And agree on a frequency of intimacy that makes you both happy. Unfortunately, women can misinterpret these problems as attraction problems and become critical or reactive, which just complicates the dynamic further.