He's either inside of me or waiting for me to get him hard. You could try this, but it still implies there's something wrong with you rather than this being a part of life for all men, sometimes. So those are some things to get you thinking and I am sure, you can all scour the net to read up on all the other extrapolated reasons for issues such as this. Talk to your partner When partners of men with erection problems write to me they have two concerns. Above all, bedplay is something that us humans get to enjoy at will, however its subject to our environment going in and coming out. When I get close, he goes soft - very frustrating!! It happens to pretty much anyone with a penis at some time or other. Which in both cases, as long as you understand what no means and looks like, for each other. But then, you start to feel anxiety about this, or maybe your partner starts to take it personally as in your case, Here and Gone , which causes you stress. Which is important for you fellas wrestling with performance issues; and those partners whom either make your relationship feel uncertain, or in fact even threaten to leave. Generally in psychology we like to use words like "stress" to convey an idea, because stress is so many things and offering that word, is meant to automatically drop-down a mental list of available stresses for you to zero-in what particularly pertains to you. This is pretty much every time we have sex. Often when men can't get erections they spend a lot of time fretting about this, fiddling with their penis, trying to force themselves to get hard or being preoccupied with how sex isn't good because they don't have an erection. So I thought I might shed some light on a few things to consider, that I often find through others, regarding their own problems. As you see, psychological factors can play a key role. You can cuddle and massage. He does drink quite a bit - at times a week with friends - but the sex I'm describing is totally sober.